Heal Me [Club of Dominance 5] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Read online

  How the hell am I going to keep my distance when they are so attentive and caring? Damn it! I should have known after the first night in the club that this was a bad idea. Why are you letting them tell you what to do? You’ve never done that before, Kara.

  Once they were all dry, Nixon grabbed her hand and led her back to the bedroom. She glanced at the bedside clock and saw that it was going on 6:00 p.m. There were things she needed to do tomorrow and now that she’d let them have their way with her she decided it was time to leave.

  Kara moved to her clothes and began pulling them on. She was aware of them doing the same. When she was dressed and they were, too, she once more turned to face them.

  “I want to thank you for—” She waved her hand in the air, not sure what to say, and finally clamped her mouth shut as she moved toward the bedroom door. “I think I need to get…”

  Nate walked over to her until he was only two feet away. She lowered her eyes to the carpet, unsure what he expected from her, but more unsure of herself than she’d ever been in her life. Kara had had her life mapped out. Now that she’d broken her one fast rule, she felt like she was no longer in control and wasn’t sure what to do about it.

  He nudged her chin up until she met his eyes. “You can help us cook dinner. I can hear your stomach growling from here.”

  “Oh but…”

  “No arguments, baby. You aren’t going anywhere.”

  Kara felt Nixon’s heat before he came to stand at her side. He was staring at her intently and she had a feeling that both these men knew exactly what she had been going to do and was thinking. It was clear that she was running but it seemed they weren’t about to let her.

  She met Nate’s eyes again and the implacable resolve she saw there filled her with resignation. It looked like she was staying longer than she wanted to after all.

  Nixon clasped her hand and before she could even think of a protest he was leading her out to the kitchen.

  “Is there anything you don’t like to eat?” Nate asked as he came up behind her.

  “Turnips,” she answered instantly.

  Nate moved around her as she glanced about their state-of-the-art gourmet kitchen and stainless-steel appliances. She felt really out of her depth in their beautiful home, especially after growing up a ward of the state and comparing her dump of an efficiency with their house.

  “You’re in luck.” Nate’s voice drew her attention. “We don’t like them either.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “We’re having marinated chicken breasts and salad. Why don’t you start on the salad?” Nixon said and he moved toward the fridge.

  Kara took the salad ingredients from him as he handed them to her and she placed them on the granite counter. Nate handed her a chopping board and she grabbed a knife from the knife block off the side of the bench.

  “What other foods don’t you like?” Nixon asked as he got another chopping board and came to stand next to her.

  “There’s not much I don’t like really.”

  “What about liver?” Nix asked with a smirk.

  “Eww.”

  “Just checking.” He waggled his eyebrows and Kara couldn’t help but laugh. His smile widened as he looked at her. “You should do that more often.”

  “What?”

  “Laugh.”

  Kara realized he was right. She didn’t laugh much at all. She hadn’t had much to laugh over in the last twenty-five years.

  “Do you have any goals, Kara?” Nathan asked from where he was cooking the chicken at the stove.

  “My only goal is to survive,” she answered without thinking and then her face heated with embarrassment. She hadn’t meant to reveal that information, but now that she had she felt a little lighter.

  What is wrong with you, Kara? Can’t you hold your tongue?

  “You’ve had it pretty rough haven’t you, honey?”

  Kara looked up from the capsicum she was cutting into strips and met Nixon’s eyes for a moment before looking down again. “I haven’t had it as bad as some people.”

  “Where did you grow up?”

  “Tigard orphanage.” Kara cursed under her breath at revealing more information she’d intended to keep close to her chest. What was it about these two men that made her blurt everything out without thinking before she answered?

  “That must have been hell,” Nate said.

  Kara shrugged not wanting to give out any more than she already had.

  “Did the other kids treat you well?”

  “Some.” Kara cringed when she heard the hitch in her voice and hoped like hell they hadn’t heard it, too.

  “Were you bullied?” Nate asked.

  Again she gave the same answer. “Some.”

  Since she had finished washing and chopping the salad vegetables Nixon had given to her she concentrated on putting them in the salad bowl and then used the tongs to toss them around with more enthusiasm than she was feeling.

  “I was bullied in junior high,” Nix began and she turned to stare at him.

  He was so damn big, she couldn’t imagine anyone picking on him. She must have looked incredulous because he smiled at her.

  “There was a group of jocks that just wouldn’t leave me alone. Nate was a couple of years ahead of me and had already shot up to the height he is now. He wasn’t as muscular but he was slowly filling out. Anyway these four guys wouldn’t leave me alone. I was short for my age back then and so thin I looked gangly and I was considered to be a nerd because I wanted to do well in school. I studied all the time and always did my homework.”

  Kara nodded but stayed silent hoping he would continue.

  “One day they cornered me against the side of the school building and managed to get my bag away from me. Of course I tried to fight them but they were a lot bigger than I was and there were four against one. I didn’t stand a chance. Two of them held me down while one beat me with his fists and the other asshole starting kicking me.”

  Kara covered her hand with her mouth at the pain he must have suffered.

  “Just as I was about to give up trying to get away from them, Nate came around the corner. His face filled with rage when he saw what they were doing to me. The two beating on me didn’t even know what hit them. Nate slammed one guy into the wall head first and knocked the other fucker out with one punch. The other two got away, but from that day on they never bothered me again.”

  “That’s terrible,” Kara said after taking her hand from her mouth.

  Nixon nodded.

  Nate pulled the pan from the stove and carried it over to the counter. “Those assholes were expelled from school the next day. My dad took one look at Nixon when we got home and immediately rang the school to set up a meeting with the principle. We were back at school twenty minutes later. Nix still had blood all over his face from a busted nose. His skin was red and turning black and blue already. The headmaster was horrified and wanted Dad and Nixon to press charges but my dad refused. He figured they wouldn’t get anything more than a slap on the wrist since they were underage. He thought they’d learn their lesson by having an expulsion on their records and having to change schools.”

  Kara couldn’t believe how easily they talked about something so horrible in their past. She wondered if she’d ever be able to do the same. She helped set the table and then serve the food and they sat down to eat. Usually she would have fidgeted and picked at her food but having them open up with her made her more comfortable in their presence and she found herself digging in.

  When they’d finished, she looked at her empty plate with surprise and looked up when she noticed the silence. Nate and Nix were watching her avidly. She knew that they had both watched her pick at her food at their parents’ place, but was glad neither of them had said anything.

  “What?”

  “I’m glad to see you eating more than you did earlier,” Nate said. “We both noticed you hardly ate any lunch.”

  Kara felt like all th
e blood drained from her face and the air was being sucked from the room. Black spots formed in front of her eyes and her body began to feel heavy. She was lifted from her chair and although she wanted to protest she couldn’t get any words out.

  “Breathe with me, baby.” Nate’s calm, firm voice brought her from her panic. She concentrated on what he was saying and followed his directives. “Breathe in for the count of three and then hold your breath for the count of three. That’s it. Now count to three as you breathe out.”

  Kara realized she was sitting on his lap and he was rubbing a hand up and down her back in a soothing, comforting motion. She repeated the breathing exercise again and again, until she felt her panic recede.

  “Do you want to talk about it, baby?” Nate asked.

  Nixon squeezed the hand she hadn’t realized he was holding to get her attention. “Answer Nate’s question, honey.”

  Kara sucked in a deep breath and exhaled again. She’d never heard that hard command in Nixon’s voice before. Of course he had given her orders but not in that tone of voice. Nate was the more bossy and demanding of the two brothers, at least she’d thought so. But it seemed Nix could be just as dominant as his older brother. And from the look in his eye, she wasn’t going anywhere until she’d answered to his satisfaction. The words rolled around in her head and she tried to get them into some semblance of order before she started speaking.

  “I was fifteen. Some of the older girls at the orphanage found out…something about me and started…teasing me about it. I couldn’t handle what they were doing and I was hurting so much, I stopped eating.” Kara paused to blink back the tears as pain stabbed through her chest and a huge lump of emotion lodged in her throat, making it almost impossible to swallow.

  “Shh, honey. You’re fine now.” Nixon squeezed her hand and then his other one came up to rub up and down her forearm.

  “The head of the orphanage called in a psychiatrist and even though I tried to hide the eating disorder by eating and then throwing it up, they somehow knew. Two weeks later I was in the hospital and on a feeding tube.”

  “Do you have the disorder under control?” Nate asked in a gentle voice. His hand hadn’t once stopped moving over her back and she felt like someone actually cared for her for real for the first time in her life.

  “Mostly.”

  “Explain,” Nixon said in a soft voice.

  “Every now and then when I become upset, the urge to not eat comes upon me, but I force myself to anyway. Sometimes I just pick at bits and pieces, but I still eat.”

  “We want to help you, Kara.” Nathan rose to his feet taking her with him. “We can get you to release all that pain buried down deep inside if you’ll let us.”

  “You’ve held everything in for so long, honey, that it’s become a habit. We can help you let it all go.”

  Nate was walking through the living room and then down the hall. He stopped before what looked like a closed bedroom door.

  “Do you trust us to help you and take care of you, baby?”

  Chapter Eleven

  Nate held his breath while he and his brother waited for Kara’s answer. His muscles were tense but he tried not to let Kara see how he was feeling. She needed them so much. If he or Nix showed any sort of uncertainty, they may just lose the trust they’d worked to get from her.

  “Yes.”

  Her answer was little more than a whisper but he and Nixon both heard her. They’d been listening hard for her reply. He nodded to Nix and moved away from the door so his brother could unlock their playroom. When the door was wide and the lights were on, he stepped over the threshold and prayed to God they could break down those steel walls she had around her heart. Nate knew they were slowly chipping away at them but he wanted the barrier down and gone completely. If this relationship was going to work, they needed to know what terrified her so much and they needed her to be able to talk to them about anything and everything.

  He was glad Nixon had told her about him being bullied and beat up at school. He’d seen the compassion in her eyes but he’d also seen the knowledge. Kara knew what it was like to be bullied, too, but she hadn’t had anyone to protect her. If he had his way then he and Nixon would be by her side for the rest of their lives.

  Nate carried her over to the St. Andrew’s cross and then lowered her feet to the floor beside it. He gripped her chin to get her to meet his gaze after she’d taken in the piece of equipment.

  “Do you know what this is, baby?”

  “No.”

  Nate released her chin, took her hand in his, and placed her palm on the padded leather of the cross.

  “It’s a St. Andrew’s Cross. A sub’s wrists and ankles are tethered in those restraints.” He pointed to the cuffs attached and then to the two bands either side of the middle point. “The top thick fur-lined band goes just beneath the shoulder blades or breasts, depending on which way a sub is facing, and the lower one crosses over the hips.”

  Kara nodded but now that they were in the playroom, he needed her to answer him in the proper way.

  “Do you understand, sub?” Nate put more force in his voice and was pleased when she lowered her eyes.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good girl. Take off your clothes, Kara.”

  Kara fiddled with the hem of her shirt but didn’t immediately comply.

  “Now!” Nate commanded in a deeper and louder voice.

  Kara whipped her shirt up over her head and then she undid and pushed her jeans off over her hips. Nixon took each article of clothing from her and folded them before placing them on a nearby chair.

  “Do you remember what the safe words are, honey?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good. Just keep in mind the traffic-light system and you won’t forget.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Step up and face the Cross, Kara.”

  Kara took the step with shaky legs but he didn’t comment on her nervousness. It was expected that a sub new to play would be unsure of the unknown.

  Nate and Nix had her in the restraints moments later and after checking that she couldn’t move around too much and end up getting hurt, they made sure that her circulation wouldn’t be cut off either. When he was satisfied, he and Nixon stepped back from her. Nate pointed to the wall just inside the doorway that held all of the toys and pointed out what he wanted. Nixon held up a couple of things he obviously wanted to use on their sub, too. But first they needed to warm her up.

  Nate moved in close to Kara again and caressed his hands over her ass. She jumped at the contact but then she relaxed against the padding again. He kneaded her cheeks and when she relaxed even more, he knew she was ready. He took a step back and brought his hand down on her left ass cheek. She moaned and tried to wiggle but the restraints held her still.

  Nixon moved up to her other side and brought his hand down on her right cheek. They alternated taking turns spanking her butt until it was a nice pink color and warm to the touch. Nix rubbed his hands over her cheeks as Nate went to grab the suede flogger from the small table close by.

  “What color are you, honey?” Nix asked.

  “Green, Sir.”

  “Good girl.”

  Nate slapped the flogger against the side of his leg and Kara jumped. She tried to turn her head but he stopped her before she could see what he had in his hand. “Don’t move, sub. You will not move or speak unless you are spoken to. You are allowed to moan or scream as loud as you want, but if we ask you a question you will answer immediately. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Such an obedient sub,” Nate praised.

  He flicked the flogger, putting a bit more strength into his arm than he had when they were spanking her with their hands. Now that she was warmed up and the blood was closer to the surface of the skin the sting would be more apparent, but he had no intention of bruising her or drawing blood. This wasn’t about hurting her. It was about getting her to release all that pain deep down inside
and if he could mix pain in with pleasure, he and Nixon may just be able to send her into subspace and get her to answer all their questions. But she needed to know what was going to happen before they did any of that.

  “Kara, do you know what subspace is?”

  “I think so. I’ve read about it.”

  “Good. We are going to try and send you into subspace, until you are floating on a cloud of pleasure and pain. Nixon and I are going to ask you questions when you’re there, but not because we want to pry. Never think that, baby. We only want to help you release all that pain and turmoil. Okay?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “You please me, Kara.”

  Nate flicked his wrist over and over again. The falls landed on her ass, the back of her thighs, her lower back, but nowhere near her kidneys, and then he worked his way up to her shoulders and back down again. By the time he was back at her ass, he could see the cream glistening on her inner thighs. He nodded to Nix and his brother immediately moved in close to her again and began stroking her wet pussy.

  “What color are you, honey?”

  “G–green, Sir.”

  “Such a good, little sub.” Nixon turned to look at him. “She’s so fucking wet neither of us would have any trouble slipping right in.” Nix thrust two fingers up into her cunt and pumped them in and out a few times. “She’s close.”

  Kara cried out with what sounded like frustration when Nixon withdrew his fingers and even though they had her on the edge of climax, Nate knew she wasn’t anywhere near subspace yet.

  Nix reached for the padded paddle and held it up. Nate nodded his head.

  Nix brought the paddle down in the middle of her ass and then he spanked it five times over each cheek in rapid succession. Nate listened to her grunts of pain mixed in with her groans of pleasure and knew by the breathy quality of the sounds that she was close to subspace. He held up his hands and indicated that Nixon give her another five to each cheek but a little harder this time. His brother winced but he did what Nate ordered and then Nate moved around the cross to see her face.